shifting from polite speech to casual speech

iDoof · Posts: 18

Can anyone give me some guidance on moving to 반말 from 존댓말 with new people?

Say I meet someone who I find out is my age. How soon after can I suggest to move to 반말? Is it like, on the second meeting? Or third? Or is it after we both kind of feel like we're friends?

And are the rules at all looser in a party/club setting?

Much appreciated!

Charles · Posts: 945

iDoof · Posts: 18

cool, thanks. What if I ask the same question to someone a few years younger than me?

First, should I still ask, given that we're both adults, or am I allowed to straight to casual speech?

Second, does the question imply that I'm allowing HER to also lower her speech to me, or does she have to wait for me to tell her specifically that it's ok?

thanks!

MeeNam · Posts: 884

wow...you are really over analyzing this whole thing. Here's something to keep in mind regarding 반말. There are several, but the main uses of it are to talk casually with someone, and to talk down to someone. I'm assuming you aren't going to be doing the latter so i'll address the former use. It is ok to use 반말 with someone who is your same age and younger, so long as you are being polite about it. It's never a bad idea to start out with 요's and then after awhile switch. Shows more respect. Start from the first hello in 반말 and you might come across as an arrogant a-hole. If they are not as close of a friend, or someone who is older than you, it's always polite to ask if it's ok to switch to 반말 before you start using it. I will add one little caviat though, as a foreignor you aren't held to as strict of rules as koreans are. If you slip a little 반말 in there on accident no one is going to care. In fact, it might even break the ice a little. Would i recommend doing it all the time? certainly not. I'm just saying no one is going to hammer you b/c you slipped. Just like with any language (i think) as you become more familiar with someone you start to speak much more casually than when you first meet. Same goes for korean. Just don't analyze the thing to death.
Just one other side note. If the person you are talking to is younger than you (and they aren't a punk) they will keep using 존댓말 until you give them the go-ahead to use 반말. Even then, i still have friends (even some older than me) that simply b/c they became accustomed to using 존댓말, they still won't use 반말 to me. Everyone is different. Just don't be offended or take it personal if they say no when you ask them if it's ok to drop to 반말. It's not often, but it does happen. Just interpret it as, "i don't know you well enough yet."